goodbye, 2020 . . .

I can’t believe we’re already on the other side of the holidays — and more importantly, finally witnessing the swan-song of 2020 itself. This year has been so full of upheaval and strife, of gratitude and growth, of grief and glory, I frankly can't seem to forge an opinion of 2020 that doesn't translate as finicky or ambivalent.

Because the truth is, I feel like 2020 has left me feeling gaslit and dizzy. Like the ground that so reliably bore my weight all these years suddenly broke, leaving me in an incessant, never-ending free fall. For a while, I felt as though I couldn't trust anything anymore — not our very own government or news outlets or social media.

But now, with the great power of retrospect, I can see it was all for the better. A great sort of awakening. A shift in paradigm. A demand for more. For better.

I'm not sure if 2021 will deliver any of the aforementioned — but what I do know is I'm going into it entirely reformed. We've all changed throughout life. That's normal. But there truly has been a strange and special change catalyzed by 2020's events, leaving us all marked, pocked by its big hands and never-fading fingerprints.

As always, I meant to create a lot more content this December, but 2020 got in the way — its theme for me bigger, bullying. I didn't realize I had more shedding to do. More loud growth on the way, pushing against my bones. I couldn't have predicted: calling into question those who I've considered infallible; renegotiating the non-negotiable; taking bigger risks, the sort that leave you feeling like you're dangling off a cliff.

And more than anything, perhaps: I didn't foresee carrying myself with aplomb in situations that historically would've sent me spiraling. I didn't foresee the self-belief, the inner-strength, the natural spring of the word "no" as it leapt unthinkingly off my tongue.

In so many ways, 2019 and 2020 have held be back — but I've felt that kinetic energy build in my body, a galvanizing spirit, and I know that in 2021 it will be released at last. I understand it seems as though I've been stagnant or lazy or negligent or wrong, as though everything that comes out of my mouth is meaningless noise . . .

But a big personal change is on the horizon, and it'll be the spark to my fuse. I know it. I can't say how, but I do. Thank you all for sticking around. I am certainly not used to that. And more than anything, I can't wait to reveal the things soon to pass.

I am ready to publish A Dark Sky Opens.

I am ready to write (and query) my dark fantasy series.

I am ready to draft the third book in the When Stars Burn Out World.

I am ready to launch my new podcast(!) I've been working on for months now.

I am ready to start a Patreon-exclusive YouTube channel (which I've also been working on for months now, and am really excited about).

I am ready to pull the trigger, after months of research, on the official WRITING RETREAT for those of us in the Writerverse Critique Group.

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready. But for now, we're taking it one day at a time. I am so full of love for each and every one of you and can't wait to dive into the New Year together — to tackle our goals, to support one another, to kick more ass than we ever have.

I am ready, I am ready, I am ready.