DISCLAIMER — I write this at the risk of sounding like an ungrateful, petulant brat. I am also suffering through sleep deprivation and a nasty head cold, so do keep that in mind whilst slogging through this post.
For those of you who don't know, I'm an editor for an independent publishing platform—and a few days ago, they hired me specifically to edit a manuscript that is negotiating film rights in Hollywood as we speak.
In many ways, this feels sort of like a "big break" for my editing career.
This company works with loads of other editors, and the fact that they've frequently referred to me as their "best" is insanely flattering. I'd be a fool not to take on a project like this, and so I've obviously agreed, but—
For some reason, I can't help but feel this is bittersweet. A project like this will likely demand a lot of time and energy. Possibly *all* of my time and energy, honestly. We're discussing the logistics today at three o'clock via conference call; I'll get a better idea as to expectations and timeframes then.
I'm angry at myself for not being more excited about this. It really is a *big* achievement for me as an editor, and is incredibly validating. But the reality is, as much as I adore editing, it's not my dream to be a hot-shot editor in the world of publishing.
My dream is to be an author. My dream is to write for a living. And somehow—though I know it isn't entirely logical—this "big break" feels like a big step back from the progress I've been making on my own work. A Dark Sky Opens's release will be directly influenced by this. What if this causes yet another massive delay in my own release? Perhaps I'll return to the 5 AM Writers Club. Perhaps I'll start working weekends. Perhaps I'll endure longer workdays for the foreseeable future. But no matter what, I cannot lose sight of my own publishing dreams. Three cheers for a super busy couple of months! Who's with me?